Monday, 12 May 2014

Conchita And The Eurovision Song Contest - The "Wurst" Yet?

The Eurovision Song Contest - where does one start?  What used to be an annual "cheese-fest" has in recent years become a strange mix of suspect music, outrageous performances and most tragically of all - politics. Whereas the shows of the last fifteen years may have incorporated at least one, if not two, of these elements  - think Lordi 2006 and Ruslana 2004 - the 2014 contest had them all and then some  - with bells on!.

Predator meets klingon rock band Lordi
Predator Meets Klingon -  Finnish
Rockers Lordi
Music meets Xena Warrior Princess in the form of Ukrainian Ruslana
"Music" meets Xena The Warrior
Princess in Ruslana and the rest of her
Ukrainian crew
One wonders how something which was mandatory family viewing only as recently as twenty years ago is rapidly morphing into a show that will very soon have a viewer's warning attached.  Last weekend we were treated to "joined at the hairline" identical twins from Russia, a man in a hamster wheel (I don't even know which country this was - I was so busy trying to figure out which circus hamster-wheel man had escaped from....) and the "milk-maid meets porno star" Polish entry, some of whom weren't even pretending they were there for the singing as they gratuitously ground their milk churns.
Russia's picture of innocence - seventeen year old twins
Seventeen And Joined At The Hairline
from Russia

Polish milkmaid meets stripper
Polish Milk Maid Meets Porn Star Combo

And then there was Conchita. Ah, Conchita - where do we start?  I have no idea what you sang about and wouldn't recognise the song if I heard it again.  I was so mesmerised by what I was looking at, all other details paled into insignificance......  I have to say I admire your balls (I think you still have a pair since you confess to being a fully intact man aka Thomas Neuwirth when you're not being Conchita) on getting up on the stage in front of a global audience, beautifully presented in your gorgeous dress and perfect make-up, with your piece de resistance - the beard.  However, I have a confession of my own - I sat watching you in utter confusion.  Here's the thing - are you a transvestite?  If so, why the beard?  Is the aim of a transvestite not to look as much as possible like a female?  Are you a gay man who just likes to dress up like a woman?  If so, why present yourself as a transvestite (er with a beard!) - not all of whom are gay?  Are you a man who wants to be a woman?  If so, shouldn't the beard be one of the first things to go?  Can you see where I'm coming from Conchita?  I'm even confused as to whether or not to call you Conchita as that is a woman's name and you are in fact a man...... To be honest Conchita I don't really care what you are but I just need to tell you that your are as confusing as hell!  So much so I don't know what your song sounds like as I was so busy trying to "decipher" you as I watched your performance - there was no mental room left for processing what you were actually singing - you did sing??? .  I know you dedicated your win to "everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom."  I think I'm one of those people but I'm not about to try and grow a beard to prove it!  Anyway,  congratulations on your win even though I suspect the "douze" points you were awarded at an alarming rate were more to do with a combined international two fingers to Putin and his homophobic nonsense.  I wish you all the best and hope you have the balls to stand up to the inevitable scrutiny and critcism you put yourself out there for.  Of course winning the Eurovision is no guarantee of continued success and indeed in many cases it has spelled the end of a fine singing career.  How Eurovision 2015 is going to top the circus act / folk porn / gay transvestite (?) with a beard?  I have no idea but I have to admit I'm a little nervous at the prospects.  Perhaps there will be a complete reversion to more simple times when it was about someone simply singing a song......  On that note here is a gem - the year was 1988, the venue was Dublin and the singer went on to become one of the most successful female artists of all time but on that night she didn't get a single vote!  Ah maybe if she'd had a whisker or two.....

(For those of you on mobile devices, who for some reason can't see the video, you can check it out on the mad mammy page on Facebook.)

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