Monday, 8 June 2015

Chubbygirl And Big Bertha

Well the Queen's birthday saw me and my family enjoying the mid-morning sunshine out on the deck and the conversation turned to superheroes, as it inevitably does when the Dude is involved.  This morning he wanted each of us to tell him, if we could be a superhero then which superhero would we be.  The fact that he was asking was merely a formality as he had already decided who everyone should be.  La-la was Batgirl, Bid Daddy was Superman and I was......., well this is where the poor Dude hit a bit of a road-block.  You see if there is one thing all superheroes, either male or female, have in common, it's that they have rather impressive physiques and the ladies in particular are on the slender side.  The Dude looked most perplexed.

Torso of Superman with head of Big Daddy superimposed on it
Big Daddy as Superman!

"Mummy," he said, "I don't know who you can be because there aren't any chubby superheroes."

"Oh, I replied," that's ok, "all mummies are superheroes anyway, I'll just be super-mummy."

I could tell by his face that this just would not fly.

"Nooooo," he protested, "that's not the way this works!  Mummies don't wear capes!"

So then I thought about it and thought how sad that there wasn't a superhero with at least a little bit of padding, I mean how handy would that be if you were a superhero?

Big Daddy tried to help out and searched for a curvy female superhero on google but the best he could come up with was The Vixen, who I might add has some pretty sensational curves going on but who was dismissed by the Dude as being "too sexy."

Cartoon depiction of The Vixen, a superhero who wears a tight-fitting yellow costume
The Very Sexy Vixen

"Okay," I chirped in, "then I'll be Chubbygirl."

"Huh?" asked the Dude, whose face suggested he didn't quite like the sound of what he was hearing.

"Chubbygirl, she's a new superhero," I informed my lovely family, who were pretty much all catching flies with their mouths at this stage.

The Dude was unimpressed.

"Chubbygirl!" He exclaimed, "what the hell is her super-power?"

"Well," I started to explain, "she rolls herself up in a ball and launches herself at villains and goes really fast and knocks them out."

The Dude was impressed.

"What else?" he asked.

"She squashes things," I replied, "she's a bit like the Hulk.  He crushes things and she squashes things.  She also has some deadly ninja moves."

The Dude was liking the sound of Chubbygirl more and more.

"But what does she look like?"  he asked.

That's when Big Daddy started snorting.

"Something like this," he managed to squeeze out through snorts.

The Dude took the phone offered by Big D and looked on in horror.

"No way Mummy!  You can't be her!  She's enormous!"

It seems I can't win on the superhero front - I'm either too chubby or not chubby enough and I most certainly am not allowed to be sexy!

I took the phone and looked at what Big Daddy found so hilarious.

Cartoon depiction of Big Bertha and overweight superhero who wears a yellow swimsuit
Big Bertha

Big Bertha - who knew?  Looks like someone beat me to the "superhero with a bit of padding" idea. All I need now is for Big Bertha to show up and sort out the husband known as Big Daddy.

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